Five Songs To Get You Through The Night: The All-Nighter

So let’s say, hypothetically, you’re sitting in the library [freshmen, this is that big building where you drunkenly parade nude sometimes, the one with all of the grumpy looking people] and you’re halfway through your Cheddar Chex Mix and Rockstar Juiced [because orange, uncompromising, unrhyming, dynamic, and bright, is the color of all-nighter success], and you are stalled. You’re looking at that looming page-count, and you have no idea what more there is to say about the use of oneiric language in Poe’s “Ligeia.” It’s not “Eye of the Tiger” season, but you just need a little boost, a cuddling caress to tickle your spirits and help you get your academic boner back. May I suggest five musical quick fixes that’ll sprinkle your culottes with enthusiasm?
*Ace of Base: “I Saw The Sign.” Don’t tell me you forgot about this one. Perhaps one of the greatest songs ever written, this triumphant little ditty, replete with synthy keyboard stabs and a perverse reggae-techno groove will get you bobbing in no time. The bonus, though, is the final chorus—a key-shifted bliss, elevated to a kind of candy-coated Valhalla of post-breakup triumph. I won’t judge you if you start dancing in the new pit, rubbing yourself all fancy crazy.
*Led Zeppelin: “Trampled Underfoot.” You know why classic rock stations play Led Zeppelin so much? It’s because it gives workers superpowers. From construction workers pounding away at the hard steel to airport employees searching questionable luggage, Zep has been proven—by science—to increase productivity and rockitivity by three fifths. Just ask your Uncle Greg about the time he and your Aunt Chloe were fooling around to this song back in 73. Why’d you think you have sextuplet cousins?
*Justice: “Stress.” Alright, it’s crunch time. Click on the Justice and watch this paper bury itself. Footnotes will be flying from your fingers with the frenzied ferocity of ten zillion rabid jungle cats on flaming methcycles of rage. Pages will shoot out of the printer, papercutting your enemies, and stapling themselves, screaming everything but the safety word. Baby yes. Baby yes.
*Parts & Labor: “Fractured Skies.” Incomprehensibly savage drumming and a soaring melody will make you pump your fist like an Alabaman… on speed… at a Skynyrd show…in Hell. They open for Battles on November 2nd at the Hawthorne Theatre, kids. I’ll see you there. You know when you start to sing the instrumental part of a song and feel like a bit of a tool? Yeah.
*Ratatat: “Party and Bullshit (f. Notorious B.I.G.)” Yeah, yeah. You know “Seventeen Years.” Now get into the good stuff. A rough-sex guitar and tambourine that would put the Partridge family to shame make this Biggie cut vital and merciless. Never has petty delinquency and slackerdom sounded so fucking hot.
Alright, get it done, kids. Next time, we’ll take a look at Architecture In Helsinki, A Sunny Day In Glasgow, and Girls In Hawaii.


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